Conspiracy theories and conspiracy theories

 Hi All, 

The conspiracy theory world is not confined to America and in Britain there is also a counter cultural set of urban legends & people in tin foil hats writing out on Twitter from their wine cellars  as a sole light swings back and  from the ceiling, barely illuminating the room. For example some people say that  Prime Minister Spencer Percival was assassinated not by a lunatic, but by time travelling CIA agents,  as he was going to pull Britain out of the Napoleonic Wars. Prime Minister  Alec Douglas Hume was, by all accounts, the first British leader to have met Martians, who only came to Britian in the ‘60s due to received  Radio transmissions &  had been swept up in ‘Beatlemania’, having been devastated after Elvis went into the army. Another was the Loch Ness Monster or Nessie was the head of a ‘pod’ of intelligent marine Dinosaurs, who lived deep below the waters of the Loch (the ‘Nats’ who had long since abandoned their love of Nessie, who was branded a  Unionist trick, a tool of English domination & oppression, which showed Scotland as ‘backward’ without England).

Today’s 21^st century UK conspiracy theories, like all of these tropes, start with facts and end up being interpreted in a particular way. The first example of this was that of UK rearmament, which over the past 5 years has seen the defence budget go from £50 billion to £350 billion, making the UK the 2^nd largest defence spender after America, which apparently occurred at the same time of mass UFO siting in Slough, Tooting Bec and Woking. Some also point out that this expenditure was paid for by a massive export of gold- 3,600 tons a year- which came from where?- and  involved the Bank of England buying this at market prices in pounds and then swapping it for dollars at America’s Fed, in order to stabilise the exchange rates and inflation.

Connected to this was a further conspiracy theory : 5 years ago Britain’s boffins (well actually some mad scientist in his shed, with a slight German-Yiddish accent) had come up with a working nuclear fusion reactor, by using 1 gram of  Helium 3 & deuterium the energy created was enough to power Milton Keynes for a whole 10 minutes. But in any event the UK, having been forced out of the EU space agency due to Brexit, landed a team on the Shackleton crater of the Moon. Following this the UK set up a base and mining facility and today brings back approximately 1.4 million ounces of Helium 3, in short more than enough for America (plus Europe or China) and given that the UK only needs 27,000 ounces. The conspiracy theory being that the moon base was a fake (even though 30,000 people live there) and that the man in the shed boffin was really a deep state MI6 agent and the real people behind the fusion discovery was… aliens.

The third conspiracy theory of note was that of The Pembroke Islands. This archipelago of 120 islands, population 17,000, is located 1.3 miles of the Scilly Islands and like them can achieve a ‘Mediterranean’ type climate. The conspiracy theory is that ‘google maps’ have ‘blotted’ the islands out of their system. Further wilder conspiracy theories say that the UK government actually has a secret base on one of the islands , where it holds a ‘magic mirror’ of folklore, which can apparently send people to alternative and parallel Earths.

 None of these conspiracy theories could, of course, be true.