Tuesday, 13 June 2023

The Auction of English history to save Scotland's NHS

 Hi All,

The main impetuous of space exploration was due to the events of 2025. In that year Britain was struck by a series of small asteroids, which while devasting to several towns and cities, was just a harbinger of things to come, for an asteroid twice the size of France (or Texas) was on its way to Earth and the UK would be ‘ground zero’ for this catastrophe.  The British, Americans and Europeans had secretly known about this and had prepared a shield device, which seemed like something out of science fiction. Unfortunately in that year, the POTUS, recently elected on an American first ticket and having already pulled America out of NATO, decided that the shielding would be used for America and America alone. The Europeans in a huff, also declared that they would develop their own shielding technology, quickly followed by Russia and China who had been canny enough to spy on the Americans and reverse engineer the technology. This didn’t stop remainers from trying to re-join the EU, which the French firmly said ‘non’.


The British had half feared that this would happen and had prepared for it. The resulting coalition of nation unity, saw the entire British economy put onto a ‘total war’ footing, the end product of which was a cone shaped space orbital that the press quickly dubbed ‘the 99’, for its similarity to this popular British Ice Cream and today is a civilian populated station of 10 million. The ‘flake’ was in fact a massive rail gun, attached to a particle accelerator, which it would hope would shoot a beam of antimatter into the asteroid, destroying it. Plan B was to build a generational Star Ship, in case the whole of the UK was obliterated.

 The plan went half right. The beam successfully hit the asteroid, but split itself into 2 parts and did succeed in slowing down the descent into Earth’s atmosphere. One part of the asteroid crashed into North Sea, stretching between Newcastle in the North and the Wash in the south and jutting out as a far as Dogger bank, the other crashed 3 miles past the isles of Scilly. After the devastating Tsunamis had passed, Europe & America avoided this catastrophe as they had fully activated their shields,  the asteroids increased Britain’s land area from 95,000 square miles to 300,120 square miles. The asteroids created new mountains and valleys, opportunities for mining, but also agriculture as the Basalt rock contained high amounts of potassium, phosphate, water ice and magnesium, enough to create extremely fertile soil.

In any event, this whole saga drove the main nations of the Earth to consider that they too needed orbitals & star ships. When the  Martians, an ancient race of multiverse travelling canines similar to Labrador Retrievers - who had  used domestic dogs as ‘decoys’ to observe humanity-  decided to reveal themselves and the true state of their planet,  landing at Horsell Common , the rest is as we say history.

Because humans, amplified with social media of the 21st century, have an attention span of goldfish, the ability to travel between the stars and meeting numerous civilisation was no longer a newsworthy event. In fact humans  were more interested in cultural wars, or maybe just war,  often dragging poor old Johnny (or Jane) Martian into the whole affair.

As discussed previously Shakespearian Brummie had become the primary method of communication between aliens and humans. The resulting attempts by the Woke blob to rewrite Shakespeare for the ‘modern audience’ was dented by the discovery of handwritten original Shakespeare documents that had been found in an attic on one of the new estates of Dogger land.

While the British Isles was now a part of the Interstellar government called PUB (Planetary Union of the British), the UK joined as a whole. This meant that the devolved governments of Wales, N Ireland and Scotland continued in a semi- autonomous fashion rather than being members in their own right. So the UK  government was pressured by the Welsh and Scottish to flog these off to save their NHS  which was at the point of bankruptcy. The English, Northern Irish, and the rest of the PUB had adopted a modified version of the French healthcare system,  but the Welsh and Scottish had continued to fund their Healthcare via direct taxation. As Shakespeare was English, the Socialist- Celtic nationalists running Wales and Scotland didn’t  care about the sale of English history to keep their failed socialist version of healthcare creaking along. The Scottish and Welsh  had an ‘opt out’ clause allowing them to continue the old way of funding healthcare, but because of backlogs many Scots and Welsh frequently crossed the border to obtain quicker and more up to date treatment, which resulted in those governments being billed for said services, which predictably they couldn’t afford & hence the need for cash.

The ability of the Celtic nationalists to force the UK government’s hand was because the Labour government at the time was dependent upon their votes at Westminster under a ‘coalition of chaos’.  After much debate and legal wrangling,  it was decided that the UK would indeed auction the documents in public auction. 

The inevitable protestors were by and large peaceful and patriotic Brits who didn’t want to see their heritage sold to billionaire Johnny Alien, but as ever with these things, it became hijacked by extremists of the SNAG (Security Nationalist Action of Great Britain). This invited a counter set of protestors from the left and again the extremes took over and it ended up being dominated by  ARSE  (Anti Racist Socialist Empowerment). Both sides had come prepared and were armed with everything from baseball bats to Air rifles and pea shooters and a unedifying public brawl occured, ended by the Federal authorities. The auction's higest bidder was the Albion Roman Commonwealth who paid in gold $120 billion for the papers....


 

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