We need a bailout

 Hi All, 

I was eying up the last bourbon biscuit, when our host, the reason for all of us being here, finally arrived fashionably half an hour late. It was 6 pm, 25th February 2121. We were in the Treasury building in the capital city of Birmingham. We were in a nondescript room that could have been in any company office, a set of seats and desks like they have at school. There were only 8 of us and my e-me, Clara, had identified them all as senior executives of some of the largest dynastic, that is those who still have family members running them,  companies of Earth.  Our host was the Treasury Secretary Herbert Ricardo. An academic by trade, who had also run one of the most successful Hedge Funds, until President F'szoorg had nominated him to become the 34th Treasury Secretary earlier this year. Bald and bearded he looked more like the sort who would attend a left wing rally than a right wing audience of plutocrats.

Ricardo moved to the front desk but surprisingly didn't have any other officials with him. 'Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you all for coming at such short notice and our official apologises for any inconvenience caused to you'.  

'As Treasury Secretary I've called this meeting because your government needs your help. You may have noticed the current market situation'  (the stock markets of the world had plummeted in the past couple of days with no apparent reason, but blue chip stocks, including our own , had been badly hit). 'This is because the Church of England has been liquidating its portfolio of blue chip stocks, in an effort to remain solvent. Unfortunately for them, they are about to run out of cash in a matter of days. As you know we are under the constitution  forbidden to financially aid a religious organisation, even one which threatens an economic disaster .

Everyone seemed nonplussed about this, myself included. For the better part of 30 years, the Church of England's General Synod had repeatedly  voted to boycott our company, but Ricardo continued :

 'If the inevitable bankruptcy happens, it will wipe out the capital ratio of its banker, the Royal Bank of England. This in turn will force this bank into calling in loans, selling its liquid assets, such as shares and bonds. We project that in return the rest of the market will begin pulling its money out of Royal Bank and it will be cut off from interbank lending by Friday. Next Monday it is likely to go into Federal receivership. Whilst we have our deposit cover, it only extends to £25million and will cover the retail depositors,  it won't help banks who deposit to each other those kind of figures per minute. Needless to say this will cause further bank runs and market sell off. Many banks will go under and a large recession, depending on how much the Reserve Bank and the government respond, but however much we do will leave us and therefore taxpayers hugely in debt'. 

This did cause a little bit of a stir as the Royal Bank was the no 4 bank in the world. 'We can hopefully avoid this situation with your help. We - the government- ask you to 

1) Find a way to keep the Church of England afloat, we will provide a full file on what you're dealing with and they are sending a team so you can ask them any concerns 

2) The Royal Bank needs to be resolved. Whether that you bail it out, buy it or split it up between you, but we can't have it festering like a zombie bank.

And thirdly, as a gesture of good will toward you all, I am authorised to tell you that the President has issued an executive order, authorising all of your companies a current account at the Bank of Earth. You can not only deposit money at the central bank, but also borrow from her secured and unsecured borrowing, credit and bond facilities to the short to long term, at at sub 2% rate'. 

Ricardo finished 'any questions?'

Frankly I think everyone was too stunned and trying to take all of this information in, as the Presidents EO can through on their solar web lenses. I couldn't help myself and stood up first. 

'I've got to say this, um, Mr Secretary. Ellie Hoo-Good Elharar, Executive from the Elharar -Horowitz Company Plc. Our problem is that their Church's General Synod has been boycotting our company for 30 years. Even though it continues to invest in sex shops and virtual porn sites, it won't deal with us, refuses to let us develop our portal network or our energy portal  scoops, on the planets that they have owned since then,  which we can only infer is some kind of anti-Semitic attack on one of the world's successful Jewish firms . In fact I believe of the 193 companies boycotted by their so called 'ethics committee' all of them are owned by Israelis or Jews. Because of their boycotts they bring misery to the people who emigrated to their planets as they are stuck in a technological time warp of the late 1960s. It's funny though they do lease portals for terraforming, but in a way that looks like they're not.  No wonder they're going bankrupt , with half of their colonies unable to transport goods, have cheap energy or printed food if the crops fail. But that's their decision. In those circumstances I am not sure how we can help you in bailing out an institution which doesn't want anything to do with us'. 

'Thank you for that Ellie, In fact I'm glad you raised this issue, as this morning the President issued Executive order 203, which has reversed their boycott resolution, whether they like it or not. But I think that your companies involvement in this affair, is crucial'.

I was considering his reply. Think it's business as dad said over and over. Overwhelmingly I thought the consideration must be getting access to the Central Bank's credit. Unlimited near free money, as much as we want and need, is too much of a strategic gain and I would have to set that against my now somewhat mollified feelings. Then I was pinged over the President's EO 203. They've been thinking this through I thought. 

'Okay, so we're in. Where do I sign to get our account and what happens next?' I asked. 

The others nodded their assent as well, probably for the same reasons as me. 

'Time is ticking, This room is available to you all night, till we get this sorted, I will get you the files you need  to-'

'I'm not staying in this room all evening!' Shouted one of the delegates. Clara noted her as being from Patel & Thomas Conglomerate. 

Before anyone could reply I blurted 'Well you can all stay at mine then!'

'Well that would be appreciated' said the woman.