The Election, Part I: The Candidates

 Hi All,

From 'The Times of Mars' (a broadsheet Martian newspaper) .

Earth is our nearest neighbour, but can us Martians really understand our somewhat eccentric and downright strange friends in the Earth Union? It is somewhat strange to imagine a spectacle such as an Earther Presidential election, wherein two candidates arise from a gruelling set of contests they call ' jungle primary elections' from the tribal parties that dominate human politics and their media supporters. On Mars journalists are of course partisan, but we also claim to report matters of integrity and importance without fear or favour, but on Earth it seems that journalists prefer to support their tribal party, whatever the merits of the candidates or positions of the party. 

Take for instance this latest election in their year of 2116: the Red Party (their version of Socialism and left Liberalism ) often decries and calls their enemy party, called the Blue (their Conservative party) , as 'Racist, Sexist ,  Homophobic, Transphobic ,  Xenophobic, RAIHSTLF- phobic' (Robot, Artificial Intelligence, Hologram, Synthetic, Tuber born- Life Forms). Yet it is never really acknowledged or understood by the Reds that the Blues hold the record for the first black African President (no3, President King James of Mankinda), the First female President ( no4 President Thatcher  of the UK ) and the first Lesbian  President (no 15 President Jas Kaour  of India) ; in the 2116  election the Blue Party has elected as their Presidential candidate, a first ever for any political party Colonel Harold Fooorgz, a Sszorg, the original natives of the planet whom we Martians remember well. It is also of note that his 'running mate' for Vice President is Helena Georgia Wells of the Real De Plata, a woman of mixed race, rumoured to be a lesbian, but who is also host to an Onconvar, i.e. an 'alien' to humans. If this 'ticket' were of the 'Red' team then the supportive media would be as the Earth saying goes 'drawling and masturbating ' over such a minority ticket. 

Instead all they can do is critic Wells for her background as a Merchant banker and  wondering if she can even be a candidate given her blended status with an alien and to  find  fake moral outrage when Fooorgz, first  for his efficient methods as  Mayor of his native Johannesburg - which was at the time a cesspit of corruption and brutal crime- an ungovernable mess, cleaned the streets of crime and made it a decent place to live, or later on in his 16 years as President of South Africa, which saw an end to the slums, education for all and an end to water  starvation, leaving office with a 92% approval rating.  Such competent leadership  and a decorated war veteran would make him an automatic candidate in any political party on Mars. And if he joked about feeding  murderers and the like  to his pet T-Rex, we would say 'now you are f'king talkin'.

By contrast the Red Party has selected a 92 year old, Jeremiah Cobb, a veteran of the Earth Parliament ,which has been his sole employment for 72 years. In his role as a 'backbencher' he has done nothing other than support far left and often opposing groups , some terrorist related, anything or anyone that opposed his own governmental system, whilst promoting pure socialism: for some reason he detests Mars favourite Earthers : Israel and Jews,  but it seems this is the case with far left types, despite the constant denials and suggestions only the Blues are racists . But the media and the student types love him as do the activists.

We on Mars have experienced socialism in our past and we know what living under such an odious regime entails and why such an ideology must never get its hands onto power :  we thought earth did as well with her experience of Hitler and Stalin. But maybe not. 

Then there is Cobb's  running mate, 22 year old Alexia Oscar Mendez (AOM they call her) a first time Parliamentarian, who is straight from University and a child and childish in her ridiculous radical student rants, especially against Mars . We are a serious paper, so do not wish to elaborate any further on such nonsense. 

Anyhow it will be an interesting contest and I shall leave it for now.