Cup of tea

Hi All,

'Goodness, a pot of tea costs 40 Septillion pounds :  three years ago you could get tea and a Belgium bun for a five pounds  and still have change!' Exclaimed Gertrude Ferguson .

'Actually love it's now 80 Septillion'  said the young barista behind the counter. 

'But I've only been in the que for five minutes!' Gertrude shouted, almost knocking  over the pram she took with her. 

'Boss says prices are going up again. They've just released a 1000 Septillion note and I'm getting a 1 quadrillion per minute pay rise'.

'Bloody Corbett' muttered Gertrude under her breath, referring to the current Labour Prime Minister , who had spent three years building "socialism in one country".  This involved nationalizing industry, collectivism of agriculture and spending, spending and spending on public services . When taxpayers had been milked and that cow was exhausted , given that no one wanted or could lend to the government, they'd simply printed as much as they wanted . This had of course created hyper inflation. The Zimbabwean dollar was worth more than pound  sterling. There was rumours that Mugabe was going to become government currency controller and take a seat in the Lords.

The barista's eyes narrowed. 'You're not one of those are you ?'

'One of what?

'A filthy banking Zionist! ' The Barista said. 'You know : the traitors, bankers and supporters of colonialism who controlled this country, via a secret cabal, before the last election and they were exposed. They're responsible for the cost of living increases, even as they are being reeducated. That's what the party and the BBC say'.

'Goodness no:  here I have my "denounce the Zionist - capitalist who cause great misery to the people " discount card. You see it is fully stamped'. 

'Great . That entitles you to a free bacon butty , we wouldn't want Zionists secretly pretending to be one of the people , you see until new legislation is passed forcing Zionists to wear identifying yellow stars, we have to be careful'.

'Marvelous' said Gertrude. ' But I'm vegetarian'.

'That's convenient'

'Well it's true. You don't think anything you've just said is antisemitic:  blaming Jews for everything , making them wear yellow stars?' 

'What?? I'm a fully paid up member of the party!  The only antisemitism that exists are the fascists of the soon to be outlawed conservative party!  No I am merely anti Zionist!  Zionists try to claim criticism of them equals antisemitism. Just because Jews are Zionists - and not all of them are -as there's some decent Jews who have a bit of humanity in them to denounce the Zionist entity . The Zionist regime must be destroyed! What a lie that an anti Zionist is antisemitic! But then that's what Zionists do. Lie. Throughout history,they've lied.  Hence people turn against them in the end.'

'But if you change the word Zionist to Jew and then actually look at historical antisemitism....  the Zionist regime is majority Jewish and you wish to destroy it ... Jews suffered a genocide... well surely you can join the dots?'

' No !  How dare you accuse me of such a thing!' And typical Zionist propaganda is to use the holocaust to make us feel sorry for them !  This justified theft of native land?!

Seeing that the conversation was going nowhere , Gertrude asked how much the tea would cost.

'So that's 80 Septs then'.

Gertrude shuffled through the pram - it contained no children- they were attending the socialist youth conference- but bundles of cash.  It seemed more dignified than using a wheelbarrow: credit, debit and e money couldn't cope with such large numbers , as there wasn't the resources to update the banking computer system .  'Let me see now ' she said as she began to bundles of cash onto the counter , until it was completely full of notes. 

The barista put the notes onto a set of scales - it was easier than counting the money-  satisfied she poured the tea inro the pot. Not that the tea was particularly great, as it was an  ersatz product.

Not long before Gertrude had finished her first gulp, she was arrested by the anti Zionist secret police and sentenced to the Yorkshire gulag, for untruths about the party....