Lutonianity

Hi All,

What is Lutonianity?

Religion :Lutonianism

Key figure : The Prophet (peace be upon him) Derek of Luton

Holy book: the revelation  of The Prophet Derek , divided into the 

1)Old Revelation, consisting of the Jewish and Christian Catholic scriptures, the Qur'an and the 15 books of the burning horseradish religion  ,included to prove all these religions had been fulfilled via specific quotes from those books and therefore replaced by Lutonianity.  

2) New Revelation of  six gospels and 234 letters , furnished with traditional oral teachings , centres around a religious prophet called Derek of Luton and his life,  miracles ,theology and philosophy , politics and brexit,  his law for society and historical  conquests which  is mostly set in England,  his hometown of Luton and rural Bedfordshire , although he does visit York, Canterbury , London and apparently ascended into heaven on a winged Dragon on the temple mount in Jerusalem , the second holiest site for Lutonianism.

Holy places: Luton, Jerusalem, Canterbury

Numbers : 1,110,000 quadrillion adherents (99.9% aliens)

This religion was formed some 250 years ago , by a shadowy figure called "Derek of Luton" , who is to believers the final prophet of God to all the universe, which had to be converted , "first  unto the humans , then the aliens". 

The narrative , contained in the six gospels and 234 letters of the New Lutonian Testament , furnished with traditional oral teachings , centres around a religious prophet called Derek of Luton and his life,  miracles ,theology and philosophy , politics and brexit,  his law for society and historical  conquests which  is mostly set in England,  his hometown of Luton and rural Bedfordshire , although he does visit York, Canterbury , London and apparently ascended into heaven on a winged Dragon on the temple mount in Jerusalem , the second holiest site for Lutonianism.

Unfortunately Martians were around when all this supposedly happened and they have no record of it  ever happening.  They did have an historical record of later conquests by the religion ,  such as the  conquests of Israel, the siege of Mecca, the fall of the Vatican and the conversion of Canterbury cathedral into a Lutonian shrine, but not about the man or his followers. 

A even bigger unfortunately is that most humans (bar a few trillion) aren't a part of this religion, it having been adopted by many quadrillion alien populations, but not one Martian , via vigorous proselytizing and in days gone by military crusades. Thus any attack on this religion based on strength, rather than truth,  generates an awful lot of interstellar controversy and rioting. Although it did help English to become a universally known  language, as the holy text was written in varying degrees of fluent  English.

The final unfortunate was that Mars refused to let Lutonians settle in the Empire's borders  - Thus bring accused of being Lutonianphoic-  but even worse was a strategic ally and supporter of the New State of Israel. To Lutonians and the "Lutonian street" , the "Zionist entity"  occupied Jerusalem from the indigenous Lutonian English -Arabs and their Holy Sites ,  but even worse prevented the Jews from converting in Israel or within the Martian Empire . 

You see Derek of Luton is supposed to return , via Luton, then to Jerusalem  and rule the universe from there, along with Moses, Jesus,Mohammed and the burning horseradish, but only when all "ye the children of Abraham, but are thout but  now blinded by Satan and his Satanist rabbinical synagogue,  are redeemed unto God within the grafted spiritual vineyard of the one true faith and his Lord", which given as Derek was speaking to Sephardic Jews, implies that the existence of the Martian Empire and Israel  is a spiritual stumbling bloc to a galactic universal, but  heavenly, utopia.